Under the Weather

Weather is one of the most inspiring things for a writer, I think. Please read the poetry first, then the questions at the bottom, then if you would read the poem again and see what you think...thanks =)


Hey you - thunder-
tell me what you're after
Rolling on the doorstep
Rolling like a tide

After lightning? After rain?
After some conclusive pain?
Hey there - thunder-
You and I could talk

You're the subtle, not the stark
that flashes patterns 'cross the eyes
The rumble in the living heart
that's called to beat the storms

Electrifying synapse - strike -
Inhalation, stay alive
Lightning keeps the rhythm
And you're still the music underneath

Hey there - thunder-
hear you aching louder
Wait your turn, air to burn
you couldn't be the one

Never causing no one harm
Crashing, writhing at the end
Patience, wit, and nerve and rope
Hold it back - hold it in

Hey there - you, you,
Thunder talks to me, too
Lightning's deathly quick, I know
but thunder just survives
Colliding, bides its time-
Rolling like a tide-
Thunder does survive



I know it's not great but it's what the storm said today. Main questions~
Line 2 of 3rd stanza: replace "flashes" with "laces?"
Last stanza: scrap it or keep it in?