Pens and Quills Writing Society

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2 posters

    Contemplation

    Aton
    Aton
    Aton


    Number of posts : 11
    Age : 29
    Location : Lost in confusion
    Humor : The one thing we've learned from history is that we can't learn from history
    Registration date : 2010-09-07
    • Post n°1

    Contemplation Empty Contemplation

    Post  Aton April 10th 2011, 4:33 pm

    After listening, watching, observing,
    I'm still not sure
    I thought I was at first.
    Then I learned more

    Do I really want this?
    Or am I just blind?
    My thoughts seem to hate me.
    My heart's in a bind.

    It's different from what I'm used to.
    It's a strange compromise.
    How'd I get in this?
    Were my actions not wise?

    Can someone please help me?
    I need a real talk.
    convince me to get out,
    before I take the walk

    After listening, watching, observing,
    I've still not decided
    Maybe it'll change.
    This story's double-sided.

    I'm not sure if this would be considered poetry I just put it in here thinking it probably was. I was just writing my thoughts on something that has recently come up. please tell me how it sounds if you can understand it. I'm no poet, this is the first "poem" I've written, (Mrs. Stockdale assignments don't count) so give me any suggestions to improve my writing. Especially the last "stanza" seems a little awkward to me.
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    Alicia Carman
    Alicia Carman
    Alicia Carman


    Number of posts : 35
    Age : 31
    Location : singin' in the rain
    Registration date : 2009-10-06
    • Post n°2

    Contemplation Empty Re: Contemplation

    Post  Alicia Carman April 15th 2011, 10:35 pm

    Why wouldn't this be poetry? I think perhaps you're hesitant to admit you've written a poem because you've never done it of your own volition before. Smile But it's good.

    My only advice for the moment is to try to avoid cliches. "Or am I just blind," "take the walk"...Try to find another way to express the same motives/feelings, but with more original words, I guess? Make people think about why you chose those words. What they mean, exactly. Am I making sense?

    I like the raw feeling of this poem. I can hear the tone of the person who would be asking these questions of themselves. Nicely done. Smile
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