5 posters

Former Friend

What'sHerFace: Scribe; Number of posts : 10
Age : 29
Location : under your bed
Registration date : 2009-09-11

Post n°1

Former Friend

What'sHerFace September 17th 2009, 6:10 pm

Former Friend

To my closest former friend
I hope you know this is the end
The end of you
The end of me
The end of trust
Of us
And we.

I know you think it will be I
I’ll be first to break and cry.
But that’s not me, not anymore
I won’t break down and hit the floor

It used to hurt me, what you do
But now I know, that’s just you.
You want attention so you push it away
I don’t know why that’s how you play

So go ahead and ignore me or plan your attack
I’m so done with you that I won’t fire back
That’s how I know that this is the end.
No longer do you frighten me, my former friend.

drasticDreamer

drasticDreamer: Number of posts : 90
Age : 31
Location : Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Humor : Walking My Cat Named Dog
Registration date : 2009-02-14

Post n°2

Re: Former Friend

drasticDreamer September 17th 2009, 8:43 pm

*applauds*

It's really, really sad (to me at least, cuz of what it reminds me of)... but incredibly well written.

I'm impressed by the syntax; you rearranged your lines, and its effect is more dramatic that saying it otherwise.

I just like it! =)

I'm an illusion

I'm an illusion: Number of posts : 59
Age : 32
Location : Rushing ahead but glancing behind
Humor : None.
Registration date : 2009-02-21

Post n°3

Re: Former Friend

I'm an illusion September 20th 2009, 3:01 pm

Aw, that is really sad...and it's also really fierce and bold and strong. Like, take that!!! *stab*

Or, less violently, *smack*.

I keep rereading it. Smile

It flows very well. I especially like the first stanza, how you broke up the lines there. It makes them more emphatic.

"The end of trust
Of us
And we."

That's my favorite. Good job! Me gusta!